If anyone out there is wondering what it’s like to quit your job and pursue your dreams, I’ll give you a little update.
At six months in I feel great. I actually feel great most of the time about the direction my career has taken, if you don’t account for those moments of panic and insecurity. Yes, those moments still come at you with full force six months in. My future is still unknown, but I’m thinking, humph, so is everyone’s, right? You cannot plan out the future because you have no idea what will be given to you. You can try to plan, and having something in place is important, but once life throws you those curveballs what’s more important is learning to readjust. We can’t get too caught up in our plans, we just have to live life. So, in that regards, I’m enjoying the living.
Financially it took about three months to adjust. By January I had pretty much adapted to having much less and then began to donate even more. Funny, the less you have the more you realize the less you need. When money isn’t at your disposal you notice where and how you spend it, and also how you view it. It’s been an interesting case study – money and me. What having money means and what having little also means. We tie so much to the almighty dollar when so many people live miserably just so they don’t have to live miserly. I don’t think happy and poor is an easy state of affairs either, but we need to find a balance. Work hard, but seriously play harder and live more. It’s interesting to stop and ask yourself “How much is enough?” (good luck answering that).
This job – writing and teaching yoga – is my most difficult job to date. Isn’t that funny? I (mistakenly) thought that this would be…well, a dream. How wonderful it would be to wake up and write and then head to a studio and teach a class. Easy, right? Except it isn’t. It’s actually hard work. Ha! Who knew?
Writing involves a lot more editing and re-writing then I’d ever imagined. It’s a questionable combo – my impatience and my desire to write a book. I’ve learned this will take time. Definitely more time than I had planned. Sometimes I wonder if I can do it, but the only way I’ll figure that out is if I continue to try. Is this book going to make or break me? I’m surprising myself by answering no. It isn’t about this one book. It’s about giving myself this time to write and discover. I’ll keep working, making my way towards the end, but that finish line may look completely different than the one I pictured six months ago. Which is OK. Somehow I know I’m going the right way.
Teaching yoga has given me a great insight into the expectations we put on people. Before I stood before a yoga class I figured my teachers were these natural creatures in a constant state of Zen. Am I in a constant state of Zen? Ask my lovely partner, David. On second thought, please don’t. Just know that I try. And I tried really hard to be Zen about the longest Canadian winter of my life but I tell you, yoga teachers freak out. I lose it. I curse. I drink wine, beer and the occasional gin and tonic. I eat meat and wish I could master forearm stand. I am far from perfect and it has taken becoming a teacher myself to learn that my teachers, past and present, are in the same boat. This little eye-opener has made me appreciate yoga and my teachers even more. Those imperfect creatures are closer to their students then I ever realized – we are all in this together.
So this is me. Six months in and learning. Six months in and extremely grateful that I took this leap when I did. I have no idea what the next six months will bring, but I’m enjoying the living and ensuring I don’t focus on the finish. Because that’s it, right there, isn’t it? If our entire life is lived according to the finish line we will have missed it all.