I am a writer yet I cannot find the words to explain why. Is there a word for this feeling? This magnetic pull to my keyboard that I cannot shake-off nor deny? What would they call this? Insanity? Desire? Need? Love?
Whatever the word, that pull to write is there and it’s inescapable. I was chatting with a dear friend and upon explaining the love I have for the difficulty of writing she asked me, “When this is done, this book you are working on, will you do it again? Will you keep writing?”
“Yes, of course.” I replied without thinking.
Then later I really thought about that answer. Yes, I had told her. Of course I’d keep writing. But why?
Why would I keep doing something if I struggle with it? What motivates me to keep going? There are days when I wonder if I’m the world’s shittiest writer. Then I wonder if writers ever use terminology like ‘shittiest’ and I question my talent even more. On those days especially, how do I encourage myself to continue?
The answer is simple and yet intangible. I am pushed forward by this little artist inside who knows nothing else but the need to write. No matter what I say and how I try to trick and silence her, she presses on. Where I see doubt she sees an excuse. Where I see failure she sees progress. I close the laptop and she reaches down and pulls it back open:
“Try again” She whispers.
And I do.
Whatever your craft, I say do it! Find the time. Try again. Embrace those moments when you wonder if you are the worst and realize that the only way to be a better artist is to allow yourself to be a shitty one. We learn from doing. Just do it. Don’t judge it. Write. Paint. Play. Sing. Knit.
While the results will not always be magical, each one is a step forward.
I’ve never seen a baby come out of the womb walking – let your artistic inner child learn to crawl, step, walk and run. Then maybe she will soar.
Nadine Hogan 